7 Highly Effective Habits of Unhappy People

Or: how to be miserable and stay that way. I’ve narrowed down what I believe to be the most effective method for being unhappy in life. These methods will work for you, take them to heart.


1. Always see the negative.
Focus on it, obsess over it. When you go to bed at night, think about all the things you did wrong or could possible have done wrong. Worry about your finances and how you will pay the bills. Be angry at the person you see in the mirror and hate everything about your body. Make sure to disregard things like your good health, the fact that you have a job and a car, a roof over your head and a full fridge. These will just distract from your focus of being unhappy, don’t let any of this make you feel the slightest sense of contentment or gratitude. With enough effort, you can find something negative in any situation. Make sure not to do anything to change a negative situation, just mull over it and steep in it like a dirty bath.

Repeat daily.

2. Let the little things get you down.

If 99% of your day went well, but something small happened to throw you off, let that be your guide. You had a great day but someone cut you and took your right of way? This is exactly what you need to categorize your day into the “bad” section. If you can’t afford fancy things for your children, disregard the fact that they are healthy and happy–focus on how you are broke! Be sure to find something dissappointing, discouraging or depressing about your situation, no matter how small it may be.


Repeat at least once daily.

3. Believe that life owes you something.

Things should be better right? You don’t deserve this. You are not a bad person, you have done nothing wrong, life should throw you a frickin’ bone!

Why does it have to be this way? Why can’t things just be easy? Life was supposed to have been better, it should not have let you been born to these parents/in this country/given you this hair color/this face. Life was supposed to have been a fairy tale, things were supposed to be easy and not hard. Any deviations from this plan are what you need to get worked up about. Vent to others about it, especially spouses and siblings. Make sure that they see how upset you are at life’s unfairness towards you. It wasn’t supposed to be this way!

Keep this in mind at all times.

4. Blame other people!
A very important aspect for being unhappy, is to continually blame other people. For everything. You could have been a lawyer, but your parents didn’t like the idea. You could be a great mom, but your husband just drags his feet and makes it so hard for you that you just can’t manage. You could lose that weight, but your friends seems to sabotage your efforts. You could ask for a promotion, but that stupid co-worker is just better at her job, she always outshines you. Remember to ignore people when they tell you that you create your own path, or that you are responsible for your own actions. This is not the case. Nothing that happens is your fault, it’s usually somebody else’s, in which case you can do nothing but revert to points 1 and 2.


Repeat continually.

5. Never be honest with yourself

There is an excuse for everything, no need to get bogged down by the harsh reality of things. The trainer who said that you need to quit snacking and workout more than once a month? He has no idea what he is talking about, he is probably jealous of you or just being mean to you. That friend who suggested you go to night school instead of whining about not having a degree? Don’t go down that path and ask yourself if it’s true. Deny, deny, deny. If you’ve made mistakes in the past, ignore them. Chances are that you will repeat them, but so what. It’s better than being honest with yourself and facing those dreaded harsh truths.

Repeat constantly.

6. Compare to other people

One very effective way to stay unhappy, is to consistently compare yourself and your life to other people. Note how other parents’ children are better behaved than yours. Your neighbours have a nicer garden, and they seem to always be enjoying themselves while you have to chase your children to pick up the litter from the front lawn. Other people’s kids are more behaved and get better grades. Other people’s spouses are more loving to them, or buy them nicer things. Your siblings were always more loved and your parents were much more involved in their lives than in yours. Your friends are thinner and fitter than you, with little to no effort. These are all facts which you should not ignore if you want to remain unhappy on a permanent basis.

Repeat exercise as often as possible.

6. Don’t bother trying
The wise Homer Simpson once said, “What we learn from failure is that one should never try!” These are words to live by. After all, trying means that you could fail, and it’s a high chance that it could happen. Instead of learning how to get better at something, and wasting precious time in honing skills, it’s easier to never try. Don’t start the diet, it might not work. Don’t take the invite to go hiking, or the invitation to go out with the cute guy for coffee–it might not turn out well! Don’t venture into anything new, don’t try anything novel, do not under any cirucmstances, attempt to make new friends or try new things. It could go wrong, and then it will just confirm what we already know: life is unfair and there is nothing that you can do about it. Since we are already busy being negative, letting little things bog us down, blaming all around us, lying to ourselves and comparing to others, we don’t have time to fail on top of all that.With these tips, I guarantee that you will be not only unhappy, but miserable for the rest of your adult life. If you are already doing some of these things, dive in there and get crackin’ on the other points. Maybe you’re seeing the negative in things, but not blaming others enough. Perhaps you are being too honest with yourself instead of just finding excuses and warping your perception of yourself.

Keep these points in mind whenever you can, it’s a guaranteed way to be downcast and depressed.