Total Creepazoids: 20 People Share Blind Date Horror Stories

1. he was wearing an adult diaper and liked to be spanked

“When I first moved to New York, I was set up on a blind date with a Wall Street type; you know…the pinstripe-wearing, briefcase-toting, Scotch-and-soda-drinking charmer. The date went fairly flawlessly, until he invited me back to his place after informing me that he was wearing an adult diaper and liked to be spanked. I tried my hardest not to react. A few minutes later I excused myself to the restroom and ran to the closest train station.”

—Jenna

 

2. he wanted me to pretend to be his mom

“My friend set me up with a guy who was really into improv. Since I’d taken an improv class in college, we started talking about it. When I mentioned I’m not that great at it, he insisted that we play an improv game—for 30 minutes! In one scene, he even wanted me to pretend to be his mom. Never again.”

—Anna

 

3. he provoked a shooting

“In college, I was set up on a blind date. The guy ‘had a lot of energy’ to say the least. After a group dinner, we were headed to a party and he started being a punk to a car next to us. The driver in that car then SHOT the back window in our car. Date over.”

—Val

 

4. he carried his dead father’s dentures in his pocket for luck

“My worst date was in college. Blind date, set up by ‘friends’. I say ‘friends’ because I suspected how much they actually liked me after that. This guy walks in to the restaurant and launches into telling me about his schizophrenic mother, his traumatic home life, and the denture plate of his now-dead father which he carries around in his pocket for luck. Yes, he did take it out and show it me. I guess he thought it brought him loads luck of because then he added, “Nice boobs, by the way.” I got up and left.”

—Melissa

 

5. She kicked me in the nuts and slammed the door in my face

“I had a friend in college that thought it’d be funny to hook me up with a blind date with a girl. He assured me “Terry” and I would hit it off. When I got to the door I realized it was a prank as the poor girl smiled up at me. I decided not to spoil the evening by telling her my friend was a moron, so I took her out to dinner and then a bar. She was actually okay. The real horror started when I walked her to her doorstep. She invited me in, which I refused. She told me that I was handsome and a gentleman and she wanted to show how grateful she was I took her out. I didn’t want to insult her or have her think I didn’t like her and it was her fault. I told her I was sorry but I’m gay. Before I could explain to her the situation she got angry and asked me why I was wasting her time. She kicked me in the nuts and slammed the door in my face. >:(”

—Konrad

 

6. Total creepazoid

“About 10 minutes into a blind date, the guy whipped out a book about WalMart and started telling me that it changed his life, and that Sam Walton was his God. I nodded along, asked questions, and told myself that maybe I would learn something interesting about Sam Walton…but I could tell there was something off about this dude. Moments later, he proceeded to go on a seemingly unrelated tangent about how everyone in the world ‘has their price.’ He told me I had a price. When I asked him what he meant by that, he pointed at a woman sitting at the bar and said, ‘That girl has a price. I could get her to go home with me right now if I offered her enough money. Same with you.’ After picking up my jaw from the floor, I said a few choice words and left. Total creepazoid.”

—Faye

 

7. he kept tossing his banana chips at people and making weird noises

“I was introduced to a man by a mutual friend who told me he was decent and I should get to know him. After speaking to him on the phone for some time I decided I was going to meet him. So we agreed we were going to watch a play and told each other what we would be wearing. When I met him the first thing I noticed was that he did not have a six-pack, but a pouch. Secondly, he was very odd, kept tossing his banana chips at people and making weird noises.”

—Melissa

 

8. he spent our entire date talking about how unattractive he is

“Though we had really hit it off on the phone, when we met in person, my blind date looked nothing like he said he did and spent our entire date talking about how unattractive he is and how women constantly reject him, asking me if I thought he was ugly. I cut the date short, declined a second date, and thought I was in the clear when I didn’t hear from him for a couple of days. Then, I got an e-mail from him: not a single word, just a photo of his penis.”

—Diana

 

9. the guy was an ex-boyfriend of mine!

“I hadn’t been on a date in a while, so when my friend agreed to set me up with a friend of hers, I really didn’t ask her much more about him than his name and age. Well, once I got to the restaurant, I realized that the guy was an ex-boyfriend of mine! It had been a few years since we dated, but the breakup was pretty bad, and we definitely hadn’t kept in touch or remained friends. It was totally awkward—so much so that we didn’t even have a laugh about it. It was clear that neither of us wanted to continue with the date, so we just sort of said ‘See ya later’ and went our separate ways.”

—Kara

 

10. he showed two hours late and drunk

“I once had a blind date show up to pick me up two hours late! I had already figured he was standing me up, so I got into my pajamas and was watching a movie in bed. When he showed up drunk at my door, I was pretty annoyed, to say the least. He was barely apologetic, saying he was out with friends drinking and had lost track of time, which didn’t exactly qualify as a good reason, in my opinion. He even had the gall to suggest we begin our date right then and there since ‘(you are) already in bed and that’s probably where we’d end up anyway!’ Um, no thanks!”

—Jen

 

11. the smell was indescribable

“I once had a blind date who soon after coming to pick me up asked if he could use my bathroom. He must have had an extremely upset stomach because he was in there for at least 20 minutes. My apartment was small and the bathroom was adjacent to my living area, so unfortunately I could hear everything that went on in there, and it was so gross! Once he came out, the smell was indescribable—the people in the hall could probably even smell it. Throughout the date he pretended like nothing had happened, but it was nearly impossible for me to see him in a ‘romantic’ light or think of going out with him again.”

—Regan

 

12. he told me that he had a girlfriend that he was keeping a secret from his mom

“My mom once insisted that I meet her friend’s son for drinks. I didn’t want to go, but I was surprised when we ended up having a good conversation. Plus, he was pretty cute. And then…he told me that he had a girlfriend that he was keeping a secret from his mom. Awesome.”

—Ginny

 

13. he called me a whore in french

“My blind date had been racking up major points throwing in French throughout the night (I don’t speak it). We hit it off, but I declined when he asked me to come home with him at the end of the night. He said something in French in response but wouldn’t translate. It wasn’t until after our second date that I found out the translation of the word—turns out, he had called me a whore!”

—DV

 

14. drinking and drinking and drinking and drinking

“Blind date was so nervous and started drinking…
… and drinking…
… and drinking…
… and drinking…

Soon enough, he was completely shit-faced and could barely walk straight! He said he’d just sleep it off in his car… so I volunteered to drive him to his car (don’t worry… I was gonna put his keys in the trunk)… but we drove around for almost an hour and he couldn’t even remember where he parked! He almost passed out in my car…but I drove us back to the restaurant so he could get some coffee…and I left soon after. Oh…and no second date.”

—Lori

 

15. she was eight-and-a-half months pregnant

“My online date was eight-and-a-half months pregnant. She never mentioned that prior to our meeting. True, I swear. My first words on our date were: ‘Pardon me, but are you pregnant?’ A gay friend of hers, it turns out, had inseminated her with a turkey baster, or so she said. When I asked what she was doing on a blind date when she was going to give birth in two weeks she said: ‘The baby has me; I want someone.’”

—Name Withheld

 

16. My friend threw me out to the wolves on Craigslist!

“After several months of being depressed after a bad breakup, a friend decided to set me up with ‘a friend’ that she had known for quite some time. I went out with this guy who was a bit older than my friend and I, so I became suspicious that something was off. As the date progressed, he brings up the fact that he normally doesn’t meet girls like me online—to that point, I was dumbfounded because I have never used an online dating site and my friend said she was setting me up with a real-life friend. He then later told me he found my date request on the romance section of CRAIGSLIST. My friend threw me out to the wolves on Craigslist! I was so mad and embarrassed that I just got up and left.”

—Kaitlynn

 

17. he had multiple felony assault charges!

“I once went on a blind date with a man who followed me to the gig I had afterwards, left to pee, came back an hour later very drunk, and revealed in the parking lot he had multiple felony assault charges! Google is your friend, ladies.”

—Emma

 

18. He ‘preferred his women modest’

“Right before I met my husband I was set up on a blind date through a friend. I should have run in the other direction when he showed up and mentioned that my shirt was a little tight. He ‘preferred his women modest.’ Out of guilt I tortured myself through a dinner comprised of greasy food and conversation, which included him asking me if I had been with a lot of men. After he so graciously paid the ten-dollar bill, he asked if I would buy the cocktails. I took out some cash and prayed to all things holy to let the nightmare end. Walking back to my condo, it started raining. He grabbed my hand and tried to make a romantic moment out of it, dramatic “Hollywood” kiss face and all. I swiftly placed my hand between his face and mine and reminded him he liked his women modest. Some men—clueless.”

—Holly

 

19. instead of T-Boz I saw Baraka from Mortal Kombat

“A girl called my number by accident and her voice sounded good, so I continued to call her and make phone links. When we started speaking more frequently she told me how much she looked like T-Boz from TLC so I said to myself, ‘Yeah man, sound so and look so, that’s a killer combo.’ My cousin was set to arrive in Jamaica a few days later and I said to her, ‘Bring a friend for the link up and we’ll meet at Sovereign Centre’. I got to Sovereign Centre and was there looking for T-Boz and couldn’t find her. We saw three girls looking at us from upstairs but we paid them no mind and we continued looking. After a few minutes we saw the same three girls approaching us and we said, ‘Nah, it couldn’t be them.’ They came up and called us by our names. When they identified themselves, instead of T-Boz I saw Baraka from Mortal Kombat. Her cousin looked nice, but she was in a situation by herself. Lesson: don’t judge looks based on voice.”

—Matthew

 

20. dishwasher in disguise

“Usually the woman decides where to meet the guy and takes the opportunity to run. Well, he said he would make dinner reservations and I should go to the place and sit and wait for him. I did just that. When he sat down in front of me I said to myself, ‘Wow, he really looks nice.’ So, the date is going quite well and he revealed he had a good-paying job and spoke of his assets and amenities. Afterwards the only thing I remember is a man shouting at him and asking if he forgot that the plates were around the back to wash up.”