Why First Relationships Rarely Work


It’s hard to believe, almost unfathomable, how something so incredibly perfect could come to an end. It’s baffling. You always thought you’d be one of those who make it till the end, for what you had was so rare and intense. But turns out, they were right. First love rarely lasts. 

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We’re More In Love With The Idea Of Being In Love

First relationships are never planned. They just happen, and mostly, with the wrong people. The idea of dating is so exhilarating, you mistake infatuation for love. First relationships make us want to believe in things before they really happen. It’s only later that you realize it wasn’t really love, just the excitement of dating someone. It’s exciting to be with someone, but somewhere deep down, even you know you’re not really into them. It’s all a pretense, just a very innocent one. We’re more in love with the idea of being in love than actually being in love. And some time or the other, reality bites so hard, you cannot be oblivious anymore. 

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We’re Young And Clueless

It’s that time when you’re stepping into something you know nothing about. You don’t know what you’re in for, you don’t know what it is that you’re looking for. You wouldn’t even know what a relationship means till a few years later. There’s no way you could have anticipated all that lies ahead of the initial charm of seeing each other every evening, bunking school together, sneaking into each other’s houses every now and then, and the sweet nothings exchanged over WhatsApp. You know only little about all that a relationship entails, how the other person fits into your life, how they make you feel about yourself, what it demands of you. 

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We’re Only Looking For Excitement

You’re not looking for love as much as that thrill, that heady feeling you get every time you meet them, those butterflies in the stomach that refuse to die. You want your relationship to be flavourful and exciting. You don’t want the ordinary, however much valuable it may be. You only want everything they show in the movies. You want pace, anticipation, adventure and thrill. It is only later that you realize how different that is from love.

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We Grow Apart

Time flies by. What once excited you, no more adds any value to your life. You can no longer relate to them, no longer hold conversations. The romance fizzles out and all you’re left with is the uncomfortable silence. You’re no longer that naïve teenager who knew nothing about life and relationships. You realize they’ve grown up into someone you never thought they would. You’ve changed too, so much that you’re almost unrecognizable now. You grow up. You grow apart. 

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It’s More Habit Than Love

First relationships are special. All of us want them to work. Even though the reality is right in our faces, we do all we can to make it last. We compromise, adjust and do everything it takes to be together. We fear a breakup like death. Even the thought of it is devastating. It is only after you eventually give up and move on that you realize you didn’t really love them as much as you thought. You were probably just too habitual of them. 

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It’s heartbreaking to let go that one person you always thought would stay by your side but first relationships, especially the ones that fail, make you a much better, wiser person. You realize what love really is, and more importantly, what it isn’t.